Humor,  Life Tips,  Politics

What if Rahul Gandhi becomes PM of India?


Anjani Haripriya Vishnubhatla

Time flew fast and India is getting ready to have a new, or continue with the old Prime Minister of India. Although we have mixed feelings about Modi ji losing the elections, we all are intrigued to watch what happens if Rahul Gandhi, India’s favourite entertainer, becomes the Prime Minister of India.

So India, let me tell you what we can expect if Rahul Gandhi becomes our new Prime Minister?

1. Geography lessons

When he wanted to tell us the magnitude of India in Ahmedabad Congress Meet, he said and we quote, ” Gujarat is bigger than the United Kingdom. In fact, India is you know, bigger than Europe and the United States put together”.

So India is going to have a new geography teacher with updated areas! Congrats!

Imagine how big military base India would’ve needed and how petty the Kashmir issue would’ve been to us if this is true! And Indians as they are, are going to fill in every sq. cm of the extra land with population (peace out)

2. Tongue twisters

When asked to explain about issues on black money, Rahul Gandhi cleverly tried to dodge the question by saying, “All cash is not black and all black money is not in cash.”

Swiss bank, where you at?

3. New definitions

He confidently set new definitions for poverty by saying, ” Poverty is just a state of mind. It does not mean scarcity of food, money or material things. If one possesses self confidence, one can overcome poverty”.

We get it sir, either way, you’re rich.

If every poor citizen of India heard what he said and understood what he meant, he would have been assassinated the next morning, and this warning has to be on record.

Rahul Gandhi

4. Mismatch the following

“Modi is spreading hatred and demonetization is an example of that”. Umm, how would you like to explain that, sir?

Demonetization had its own perks. good or bad, it brought a change. it increased ease of corruption with launch of 2000 rs note and brought about inconvenience among the middle class.

It cannot be called a financial disaster and over that, it cannot be called spreading hatred because it doesn’t make sense anyway.

5. Liberalising India’s financial status

Rahul Gandhi : “For the first time, India’s financial independence has been attacked”

World bank : I think not!

India, just like other developing countries, has loaned a huge amount of money from World Bank. But blaming Modi sarkaar for it is as ridiculous as calling India a financially independent nation.

6. Generalising politics, literally.

“Politics is everywhere. It is in your shirt, in your pant”.

But sir, we thought it rose from your very own Indian blood.

7. Succeeding in business

Recently, he was quoted saying that the owner of coca cola sold Shikanji in America. What?!

KFC sold tangdi kebab, mcdonald’s sold bun maska and hershey’s sold coffee bite.

8. Making Gold from potatoes theory

He promised to install a machine which converts potatoes into gold and how can we keep calm about it?

Uttar Pradesh alone has grown 14,755,000 tonnes of potatoes in 2017. Now considering that 1 tonne of potatoes gives 1 gram of gold (we know it’s impossible, relax), we would end up with 14,755,000 grams of gold in Uttar Pradesh alone.

With simple math and current gold rates, let’s take 3000 rs for 1g of gold. Uttar Pradesh alone would’ve earned 44265 million rs in 2017.

India would have already been a superpower with this machine.

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